hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
