if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
