bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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