Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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