i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
