Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
