Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
