I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
