Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
