Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
