we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
