DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
