On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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