When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
