If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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