Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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