It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
