Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
