I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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