So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
