the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
