last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He better not be in your backpack
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
