I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
