just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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