You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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