And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
