i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
