I wish you could order shots online.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
