Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
