I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
