When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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