the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
