But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
