Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
