the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
