Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
