Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
