im drinking this country out of the recession.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
