Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
