if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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