I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
