Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Too much gin, very little bucket
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
