I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
