Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
