Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
