Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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