this just has baby written all over it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
