just tell him i said nine months
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
