i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
