And the cops told us we were all naked.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
