Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
