all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
