and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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