I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
