birth control should be required to get into college
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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