I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need a beard to bite.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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