everyone is single if you try hard enough
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
