you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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