We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
