My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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