you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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