NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
