Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
